| Jeremiah said: | One hot day on the Iraqi terrain |
| Max said: | A sore-footed camel walked in pain |
| Weezie said: | He heed and he hawed as he walked along |
| lmaury said: | cuz, his corns was hurting, so was his dong |
| arno brosi said: | he started hallucinating and saw visions of rain |
| Jolly Oligist said: | Young Toby in the attic heard a call, |
| Jesse said: | the vasolines on the night stand, near the rubber doll |
| nobody said: | he acted like a squid |
| Cj said: | yep, that is sure what he did. |
| wiggles said: | then slid to the end of the hall |
| wiggles said: | There once was a man with three nuts |
| Jolly Oligist said: | So Large that they drug in the dust. |
| j said: | to play with them he thought |
| Enfet said: | Nobodys looking, why not? |
| I. Toratitov said: | So he played away, no ifs, ands or buts. |
| I. Toratitov said: | A saucy young lady from Kismet |
| rowdyrob said: | in a grappling ring boxed Sable around a bit |
| Jolly Oligist said: | She had a tit torn off, |
| Hmmmmm O=) said: | And her clit worn off |
| lance said: | though she scored a might hit |
| lanc said: | there was a lady in cincinatti |
| Jolly Oligist said: | Whose only intake was finnan haddie |
| anonymous said: | she smells like a wet duck |
| adam said: | likes to chase firetrucks |
| xem said: | and this caused her to act quite batty. |
| Jolly Oligist said: | There once was a bloke from Ft.Worth |
| Jennifer said: | Who wondered how much his life was worth |
| Vanessa said: | He went to the lab |
| Max said: | And began to grab |
| anonymous said: | for a caliper to measure his girth |
| Jennifer said: | There once was a nerd named Chuck |
| Phoebe said: | Who acted like a foolish duck. |
| Max said: | Each day when he awoke |
| joana said: | He needed to drink coke. |
| Jolly Oligist said: | Then he'd quack out the window of his truck. |
| Chrissy said: | Hey dicky dicky Bob needs a quicky |
| Yo said: | He's lately looking really sicky |
| ashley said: | anything will hafta do |
| Sebastian said: | even screwing a dirty shoe |
| Max said: | until Bob tried gum and thought "ooh, too sticky!" |
| Jesse said: | There once stood a bum with a sign |
| Jolly Oligist said: | That read, "Will work for the fruit of the vine." |
| anonymous said: | For a liter an hour |
| Louise said: | I'll piss off the tower |
| Max said: | and drink it for a nickel or dime |
| matty said: | there was a young man called matty |
| Kristen said: | he had a bird that was a bit batty |
| Max said: | 'cause he filled it with wierd things |
| Jennifer said: | One day it began to sing |
| jesse said: | I'll have catsup on my hamburger patty |
| gary e said: | The nun had a very bad habit |
| Kelly said: | She would look at the ruler, then grab it. |
| Jolly Oligist said: | She would hold it quite high, |
| Rick said: | Raise her skirts round her thigh |
| t said: | And dare the young lads to come nab it |
| anonymous said: | There once was a gent from Skidoo |
| Speckle Bird said: | Who had a badly bent ski screw |
| anonymous said: | when he tried to straighten it out |
| anonymous said: | He let out a shout |
| jessse said: | I think I slipped a disk! And then he bid adieu. |
| naybur said: | flamers should all be shot dead |
| Jolly Oligist said: | Or sent to AOL instead |
| Max said: | But first, prejudiced people will be hung |
| jesse said: | by the flamers jock strap, or the Gene Simmon's type tounge |
| anonymous said: | and slowly be fed beatles dung |
| Jolly Oligist said: | There once was a Texan in Dublin |
| xanthe5250 said: | Who had a bad problem, quite troubling |
| Jesse said: | His butt was chafed raw |
| mAn said: | 'cause of his seat made of straw |
| Jay C. said: | And Texas baked beans kept his stomach a bubblin' |
| Jay C said: | During dinner at Karen's I supressed a great fart |
| Jolly Oligist said: | As great as it was, it was no work of art. |
| Jesse said: | My when I laughed at a joke |
| Pranav Patel said: | I wanted to choke |
| Cailey said: | But, instead my sides split apart. |
| NYCOL PARKER said: | I ONCE KNEW A GUY NAMED DIXON |
| Carey Gilbert said: | WHO DECIDED TO DATE A VIXON |
| john said: | BUT BY THE END OF THE NIGHT |
| Elizabeth said: | HER DRESS WAS TOO TIGHT |
| Mina said: | My favorite president was Richard Nixon |
| Kristen said: | there once was a man from nantucket |
| me said: | who carried his gold in a bucket |
| anonymous said: | He went up the hill |
| anonymous said: | got a cold chill |
| anonymous said: | and moved to a town called suckit |
| Kristen said: | There once was a man from the IRS |
| anonymous said: | who always wore a pretty dress |
| Howdy-Ho said: | He painted his lips |
| ini said: | whilst eating some chips |
| hehe said: | And decided he wanted some....Arse?? |
| Me said: | There was a nerd from Seatle |
| Steele said: | Who had a fetish- she liked to paddle |
| UKnowWho said: | She sat in her canoe |
| Pepper said: | Then took off her shoe |
| doe said: | and decided to eat some cattle |
| woe said: | woeing goes mr. Moe |
| sila said: | He says"I want som mo'" |
| peter said: | He swallowed his shoe |
| Kristen said: | And started to turn blue |
| rich said: | but couldn't forget the flying crow |
| anonymous said: | waddle waddle waddle mr duck |
| anonymous said: | unlike a chicken you do not cluck |
| Tom said: | True indeed my fickled feathered friend |
| Sugar said: | You should be happy until you reach the end |
| anonymous said: | Cause my feathers are much harder to pluck |
| blitz said: | There was an old plumber named Bill |
| Stephen said: | who plugged a leaking pipe by the sill |
| anonymous said: | He then decided |
| SvenKing said: | What a great thing that I did |
| anonymous said: | I now will add up my till |
| Victoria said: | There once was a man from Clyde |
| anonymous said: | his name was john he had bomb ass ride |
| SvenKing said: | Yet he went too fast |
| SvenKing said: | Couldn't stop stomping the gas |
| sandra byrne said: | be jesus the bugger near died |
| SvenKing said: | I hate when donkey poop falls from the sky |
| Kristen said: | especially when it lands in my eye! |
| Pat said: | though I don't mind the stink |
| blitz said: | but its sure hard to blink |
| howard said: | I'm glad that elephants can't fly |
| Jolly Oligist said: | A man from East Belfast once asked, |
| teve Daugherty said: | "Do you think that I'm up to the task?" |
| Naomi said: | I replied with a grin |
| SvenKing said: | Said fetch me some gin |
| Heather Bennett said: | And make sure it's one hell of a flask! |
| hbo said: | She said to her daughter "Be wary" |
| Jolly Oligist said: | "I've heard of 88 Fingers Larry" |
| anonymous said: | Pork is the essential |
| anonymous said: | Have you checked your credentials |
| anonymous said: | Eat meat and sauce while being hairy |
| anonymous said: | Parle voo a sugar goo and stuff |
| Mel said: | Take off your clothes and run round in the buff |
| Evil Grin said: | We'll have a good time |
| burp said: | Get covered in slime |
| anonymous said: | and globs of marshmellow fluff! |
| me said: | there once was girl named hanny |
| adam said: | who was uglier than her grannys fanny |
| Max said: | Her looks could scare a ghost |
| Bob said: | So she was never to boast |
| Bob said: | about her crush on yanni |
| Lori said: | There once was a sweet honey bunny |
| LOL said: | who was looking to make some easy money |
| HUH? said: | she came across a large wheel |
| sarah said: | and let out a squeal |
| Andrea said: | and said "I can now fill my tummy" |
| Andrea said: | There once was a woman called Trish |
| sarah said: | who had only one birthday wish |
| Clare said: | that when she turned 50 |
| Joanna said: | she'd be as nifty |
| nicole said: | as a long dead, cold fish. |
| Laura said: | There once was a guy named Jay |
| Loquacious said: | Who had a gal named Fay, |
| Patty said: | The went on a date, |
| Ruthie said: | She said he'd have to wait, |
| Meerkat said: | 'Till her Father got back from the Bay! |
| Carol said: | There was a koala named Sue |
| The Viking said: | which one day ate a bucket of glue |
| Anna said: | The roof of her mouth was stuck |
| kevin said: | then she went inside the truck |
| anonymous said: | When she's inside the truck she was stuck |
| James said: | Theres a cat inside my room |
| Leslie said: | where all the flowers bloom |
| Johnny said: | he purrs all day long |
| Jessica said: | I yhink he's humming a song! |
| Max said: | and using his tail as a broom |
| Max said: | It was really bad today |
| Diane said: | I fell into a stack of hay |
| Doug said: | When I tried to get up |
| Duane K. Luce said: | I stepped on my pup |
| Duane said: | And destroyed his ability to play |
| Nightingale said: | Said the lord to the butler: "You ought |
| Marion said: | Have a look at the panties I bought |
| Sugar said: | They're so beautifully pink |
| TCKnight said: | But lordy, does it stink! |
| dawn said: | I know now what those bumps are you got! |
| Jeremy Snow said: | There once was a young man named willy |
| Jon said: | To some, he seemed quite silly |
| Jessica said: | He had a kazoo |
| Matt said: | That he played at the zoo |
| Ann said: | And angered a monkey named Milly |
| ox said: | There once was a sailor named Simon |
| darryl said: | who had a real hard time rhymin |
| tom said: | So he talked to a salmon |
| anonymous said: | But soon came famine |
| wack said: | Now he works at McD's as the fry-man. |
| Nancy said: | If its not one thing its another |
| April said: | the whore slept with my brother |
| natalie said: | and gave him genital warts |
| Sugar&Chick said: | That poked through his jockey shorts |
| Alice said: | Just what is he going to tell Mother? |
| Amanda said: | med Channing |
| Vanessa said: | thought the government was worth banning |
| Jenn said: | It's nothing but wrong |
| James said: | to go play with your schlong |
| MoNZO said: | the limerick im ending |
| Judy H said: | There once was an old math teacher |
| Dee Dee said: | Who met the wife of the town preacher |
| Doe-Doe Bird said: | They were going to have tea |
| Me! said: | And have a baby named Lee |
| Me! 2 said: | Then the woman fell off of the bleacher! |
| Myself said: | There once was a toad named Bert |
| anonymous said: | He always liked to flirt |
| anonymous said: | Bert talked to the girls |
| anonymous said: | And played with their curls |
| anonymous said: | Everybody thought he was a "nert" |
| TCKnight said: | Upon this site came I from surfing, |
| Laura said: | My stomach was tired from burpping |
| D.D. said: | It looked so easy to do |
| Jennifer said: | Even to a giant purple kangaroo |
| Ginny said: | and all of the little birds chirping |
| Jessica said: | There once was a beautiful girl named Jennifer |
| Jzmx said: | who loved to where lots of rabbit-fur |
| Jamie said: | One day she stopped |
| TCKnight said: | Her hair she did cropped |
| TCKnight said: | To look like a mass of conifers. |
| TCKnight said: | "Hi ho, hi ho," said the singing Dwarf. |
| Anjula said: | with 9 and a half inch dick to show off |
| Linz Marie said: | Though no one wanted to do him |
| Jennie said: | They all knew who really blew him |
| TCKnight said: | It's Cindy in a huff, puff and a cough. |
| Marty McFly said: | There was a young woman named Julie |
| Abu Dhabi said: | Her older brother was a bully |
| Abu Dhabi said: | He stole kid's lunch money |
| Slim Shady said: | He calls his mother honey |
| Chuck Smolinski said: | That kid is mighty unruly |
| June Cleaver said: | There once was a man from Neptune, |
| George Costanza said: | Who wouldn't eat soup with a spoon |
| TCKnight said: | So came that fateful day |
| Paula Bones said: | I saw Bill and HILLARY in the hay |
| J.J. Smith said: | Fucking and sucking at noon! |
| Jason said: | there was a man from jersey |
| Louise Adlington said: | Who liked to swim in the Mersey |
| gina said: | he got stuck in some muck |
| Tim said: | And he said 'Oh fuck' |
| TCKnight said: | "Now how will I get home to Jersey?" |
| TCKnight said: | "Oh, how my stomach aches,"said the Princess. |
| anonymous said: | It's like a car with no brakes |
| ??? said: | It's getting worse, and WORSE! |
| Hakeem Schlotski said: | sooner then later I will need a hurse |
| ??? said: | I think its because I ate too many cakes. |
| chazz said: | Home,home on the range |
| grace said: | who just flew in from the east |
| anonymous said: | I'll sell it to my dog feast |
| chuck said: | who is one horny beast |
| julie said: | and has a girlfriend with yeast |
| julie said: | Hi, my name is Julie! |
| Wendy Fletcher said: | and my hair is completely unruly |
| toni said: | I like to go out |
| anonymous said: | well running about I sing and shout |
| JSmith said: | And I love this limerick truly |
| Nick Anderson said: | The people of Britain did riot, |
| Mara D. said: | So they decided to try it |
| Stephanie said: | The riot broke out and they took a look out |
| Kristina said: | And shouted "WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT?" |
| Lottie said: | You BAKED our fish, didn't fry it! |
| Lottie said: | There was a red shoe on the carpet |
| Nick Anderson said: | That liked the other shoe that it met |
| TCKnight said: | Though the heel was missing, |
| jenny said: | it was easy for kissing |
| clare said: | With the use of a helium jet |
| Jenny said: | There once was a girl named Katy |
| Joel said: | she always drives her mercadie |
| ja buger said: | she ate with a guy named nate |
| anonymous said: | when she went out on her date |
| girl said: | and nate found out she wasn't a lady. |
| RobD said: | A naive young maiden named Claire |
| Radhika Inaganti said: | Could never do anything but stare |
| Wolfgang Muth said: | She stared at her lover |
| TCKnight said: | Causing him to mutter |
| LagoonZ said: | And started to strip her down bare |
| LagoonZ said: | There once was a man called Sir Lance |
| Geoffrey said: | while sitting on his horse he made to prance |
| Maxx said: | His horse bucked real high |
| biggsexy said: | As it kicked him in his fly |
| Garret Gazlay said: | And for minutes all he did was dance |
| Garret Gazlay said: | There once was a dog from Nantucket |
| anonymous said: | barked too many nantuckets, go suck it |
| Danielle said: | He threw a hissy fit |
| Laura said: | and got so mad that he bit |
| Monica said: | And that was the end of Nantucket |
| Laura said: | There once was a girl named Dani |
| 007 said: | Who fell right flat on her fanny |
| Mya said: | She got up and scratched her @$$ |
| Sonia said: | And found some long green grass |
| fhihrfewihrf said: | And threw it at her granny |
| bob lindley said: | There once was a man from Prague |
| Jacki said: | who was found to have cum on his shoe |
| Kim said: | He got fucked in a closet |
| anonymous said: | Washed off with a faucet |
| Daryl said: | Now he has Five Whores plus two |
| Scott said: | When once on a day such as this |
| bill said: | a little girl took a piss |
| Steve said: | a shy boy walked by |
| Mike said: | he decided to say hi |
| Sara said: | the girl said looky here piss just cant miss |
| juli said: | i now a guy that is a girl |
| nike said: | that is nasty im going to hurl |
| Steve said: | a shy boy walked by |
| kid said: | he thought he was going to die |
| jon said: | why does your pubic hair curl? |
| jon said: | i once knew a man called Rick |
| sasha said: | Who was sick of having a dick |
| sarah said: | So he went to a store |
| Bob Kelly said: | with a revolving door |
| Bob Kelly said: | and was neutered. Now isn't that slick? |
| Disheartened said: | Is not funny and vulgar the norm here? |
| ken said: | Not if you're wearing brown underwear! |
| ron said: | Yes, green khakis will do, |
| Tyler said: | Or you could wear blue |
| Tyler said: | And god dont run out in the bare. |
| ron said: | Young Anakin is incredibly sly, |
| reggie said: | he's young enough to pout, but too old to cry. |
| rex said: | The pod-race, he won it. |
| francine said: | without the force, he couldn't have done it. |
| anakin said: | you don't know what you can do 'til you try. |
| anakin said: | C3PO is my first protocol droid. |
| Maxx said: | His real name is Sigmond Freud |
| Kristen said: | He has a friend, R2D2 |
| chazz said: | who he introduced me to |
| Luke said: | Too bad they're both unemployed. |
| Allegra said: | There once was a girl named Joanne |
| Mike said: | who desperately needed a man |
| Guess Who said: | She got breast implants |
| vicki said: | and a tight pair of pants |
| hotshot_19 said: | and soon was engaged to Dan |
| TCKnight said: | There once was a little doll named Tina. |
| anonymous said: | Who couldn't have been any cleanuh. |
| yohon said: | she would scrub her ass |
| Stardancer said: | With a soapy bass |
| Death_Sniper said: | And had a Dil-Do named Dina |
| Leo said: | There once was a guy from San Diego |
| Renne said: | Whose pet turtle needed to go |
| Clint said: | Begging for the chance it danced |
| marie b said: | and it happened by chance |
| Elvis said: | To win a vacation to Tobago. |
| megan said: | There once was a girl named Emma May |
| anonymous said: | she went outside to play one day |
| TCKnight said: | Saw a kite, flying high |
| TLC said: | She looked at it and sighed |
| marie b said: | as she watched it fly so far away. |
| Nikki said: | There once was a girl named Nikki |
| Navinod said: | Who surfed off the shore of waikiki |
| lisa said: | when her bathing suit fell off |
| Mike Hooton said: | she let out a great cough |
| Marty McFly said: | And all the guys trunks became sticky |
| adam said: | Is that a cucumber, or are you glad to see me |
| Katy said: | Asked the girl who was willing to give freebies |
| Happy said: | "It's not a cucumber, my dear!" |
| anonymous said: | Let me stick it in your ear. |
| Chickie said: | Hey, a new way to make whoopee! |
| Ashley Langford said: | There once was a man from philly who |
| Sunwalker said: | Who has really nothing to do |
| Mr Lucas said: | So he went to watch Star Wars |
| Padme said: | And got absorbed by the Force |
| Busted said: | And so he changed his name to Darth Cool |
| Mikee said: | There once was a man known as the tic |
| Trish said: | who had a really big dick |
| helen Tabura said: | i get big okie |
| Monica said: | When we sing Karoke |
| anonymous said: | when I singee, please no strokee my prick! |
| rick lasseter said: | there once was a boy from olathe... |
| Anne said: | who was terribly anxious to bathe |
| John S said: | what he thought was a lake |
| jodi said: | was really just fake |
| jodi said: | so he got in a tub insted |
Loony Limericks /
webmaster@loonies.zzn.com
/ revised March 2001